Do you guys know the saying "Heart of gold?", well, what if I told you that I don't have a heart of gold...
Now, I do have an actual heart, don't worry about that, I have a heart of horror and I have all these crazy theories about how I became a horror fanatic in the first place, some of my theories are a tad bit crazy, but a girl can only dream and there is nothing wrong with an overactive imagination. Why don't I share some of the more sane ideas with you first?
Family connections
There are many sides to this story and I promise they all make sense, well, to me at least. Anyways...
1. When my Mother and two uncles were young, their Dad (my Grandad) used to rent horrors and they would all watch them together in the sitting room while my Nan would hide out in the kitchen. She hated horrors with a passion, even the sound of horror movie themes would strike the wrong chord with her. I was actually told that one night she couldn't take it anymore and turned the horror movie off! Scandalous, right? I do get it though, horror wasn't her forte. She was into thriller and crime series; I like to think of that as watered down horror, but hey, each to their own. So, there's theory number 1, watching horror movies became almost like a family tradition and every Halloween they would host a Halloween party for the family. I grew up in this cosy environment and to this day Halloween is the time where I go insane (I don't mean that I go on killing sprees, I just mean that I carve pumpkins, dress up, decorate the house etc), plus, I'm an October baby so horror basically runs in my blood!
2. When my Mum was pregnant with me, she watched Scream 2 when it hit the cinema screens, this was all the way back in the year 1998. Starting to feel a bit old here...
Babies can hear in the womb, so little alien me was thinking "Wow, what are these strange sounds and screams?". Looking back on it now I wished I had been able to see what was going on, it's Scream, I can't not watch it!
3. As I started to grow and walk and talk (yes, I was well born into the world at this stage) I used to sit with my Mum in the sitting room where sh
e would watch her VHS tapes, the two top choices were Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street. Scream was my personal favourite, I used to sit and watch it on the weekends while having my breakfast of tea and biscuits. The horror collection stayed downstairs while I started my very own collection in my room of all the Scooby Doo films on VHS. Then we invested in a DVD player and Mum had purchased the complete boxset of Halloween. While Dad was out, we binged every Halloween and nearly every weekend we would rent films from Xtravision down the road from us. Ah, those were the days! Ghostface and Michael Myers became my two favourite horror movie killers from then on. Scream came into my life when I was 3-4 years old with Halloween following close behind afterwards! It always boggled my mind why Michael wouldn't just die!
e would watch her VHS tapes, the two top choices were Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street. Scream was my personal favourite, I used to sit and watch it on the weekends while having my breakfast of tea and biscuits. The horror collection stayed downstairs while I started my very own collection in my room of all the Scooby Doo films on VHS. Then we invested in a DVD player and Mum had purchased the complete boxset of Halloween. While Dad was out, we binged every Halloween and nearly every weekend we would rent films from Xtravision down the road from us. Ah, those were the days! Ghostface and Michael Myers became my two favourite horror movie killers from then on. Scream came into my life when I was 3-4 years old with Halloween following close behind afterwards! It always boggled my mind why Michael wouldn't just die!
4. I was 9 years old when I came across a series on the Discovery Channel called A Haunting and it documented hauntings all over America and even Ireland and I grew to believe them because they were true stories told by real people. I know, you're shaking your head at me, but I do believe in that stuff and that isn't a crime! I was introduced into the world of the paranormal; ghosts, poltergeists, demons were words that quickly took up sanctuary in my mind and I adored learning about it all. Whenever a conversation of ghosts arose in the family everyone always looked towards me because I knew the answer or I knew a theory of this and that. And yes, my Mum was the one to come across this series, thanks Mum!
Haunted house?
I know, I know, I know...you're definitely thinking I'm insane and I don't like sharing this because no-one ever believes me, plus it's one of my more strange theories. The house I used to live in from a young age always seemed strange to me, something was off about it. Memories of laying in bed and seeing a tiny shadow pass by my door despite my family being in bed or my dog always barking up at my parents bedroom window or getting up in the middle of the night to hear what sounded like someone moving around on our leather sofa downstairs (Dad was out at work at this time, our dog Sandy was asleep in the back garden and my Mum and little sister were asleep) and hearing strange noises now and then whenever I was alone in the house. Yeah, why was I the only one to witness and hear all that?! I still don't know what to think of it, but maybe there was something going on in that house, but I'll stop talking about it because I don't want to freak you guys out or scare you away!
Story writing
As I became older, I did notice that when my head wasn't stuck in the direction of whatever horror was on TV, it would be glued to a book. In school, we had a miniature library in the classroom and I came across a book of short horror stories. I read it over and over again, I became obsessed with the stories inside. I already was in the process of writing my own short stories and that's when I introduced horror into the plots. I'd write short horror stories and include my classmate's names into the plot and every week or so I would stand at the top of the class and read to them. They all really enjoyed the stories! I was a very quiet girl in school, nowhere near popular or athletic and I was a typical quiet nerd. Writing stories was my escape from it all and it was also a way of securing a temporary spotlight. I felt really insecure about the fact I was always overlooked especially since I wasn't the only girl with the same name in the class. I just wanted to be noticed is all!
Safe space
I'll bring us up to present day now! I'm 22 years old with a full time job (Tesco for life woop!). I've gained a lot of independence and for now I feel financially secure. I pay my bills on time, I put food on the table and that's all I need to survive. When I secured my job, I was excited to save up and splash out every so often on things I've always wanted, but could never afford. Before, I used to save up pocket money or a small fraction of my weekly grant money for college just to buy a horror DVD or two, but now I can do so much more. My collection is growing bit by bit and I'm proud of what I've gathered.
Call me insane for being so obsessed with horror, but it's my true safe space to go. I start to watch it and I feel at ease and thrilled at the same time (and yes, I'm the type of person to watch a horror alone and then go straight to sleep afterwards, it is possible!) There have been times I've had to hold back my excitement for horror because I've been judged in the past and labelled a "psychopath", but people don't understand and they won't understand unless they're in your shoes. Look at me now, I've accumulated a big group of followers who enjoy my little horror updates or horror reviews! I suppose now is the time to say they're my best friends til the end...hidey-ho ha ha ha!
Rach x
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